I can play the piano because my mom used to beat me. Well, whacked a few time with a whiffleball bat on the backside, wasn't as violent as the first sentence sounds.
But the fact is, she MADE me! Can you believe that?!?! A parent making a child do something that the child didn't want to because the parent...knew what was best for the child!! (Huge sarcastic gasp!)
Why did she do it? She was helping me push through a challenge. I wanted to give up. Sometimes I didn't want to because it was boring and took away from play time. Sometimes it was because it was really hard.
There are times when you'll need to help your child overcome something challenging. Before you grab for the whiffle, first try to determine WHY they are struggling.
It's either one of two things: I can't or I won't.
I won't = they don't like it, don't see the long-term value, think it's embarrassing, etc. This is a personality-related issue. Maybe they have too much on their plate. I see a lot of parents who have their children involved in A LOT of activities. Yes, it is very important for our kids to be well-rounded and involved. But it's ok to not be involved with everything.
I can't = they don't know how. They do not yet possess the skills necessary to accomplish the task to a level that is acceptable. OR MAYBE they do not have the resilience to push through this obstacle.
In a recent newsletter from Pat Quinn, "the RtI Guy", he said:
Call it Grit, Perseverance, Stamina or Resilience... it is the ability to overcome all obstacles on your way to a goal.
There are times when you'll need to help your child overcome something challenging. Before you grab for the whiffle, first try to determine WHY they are struggling.
It's either one of two things: I can't or I won't.
I won't = they don't like it, don't see the long-term value, think it's embarrassing, etc. This is a personality-related issue. Maybe they have too much on their plate. I see a lot of parents who have their children involved in A LOT of activities. Yes, it is very important for our kids to be well-rounded and involved. But it's ok to not be involved with everything.
I can't = they don't know how. They do not yet possess the skills necessary to accomplish the task to a level that is acceptable. OR MAYBE they do not have the resilience to push through this obstacle.
In a recent newsletter from Pat Quinn, "the RtI Guy", he said:
- How do you get students to not give up when reading a difficult passage?
- How can I help students who have a terrible struggle at home?
- How do I get students to persevere when they are not comprehending something?
- What do I say to help a student who is reading three years below grade level when I pass out the standardized test?
- How do I get my students to have the stamina to take these tests?
The answer to all of these questions is: Resilience.
Call it Grit, Perseverance, Stamina or Resilience... it is the ability to overcome all obstacles on your way to a goal.
The good news is that Resilience can be taught, practiced, learned and
improved. You can help your students/child/teacher/employee/self increase their Resilience!
P.S. I fought her on the piano-thing until 7th grade. When I joined the school choir in 7th grade there were 40 girls and me. I was the only one who could play the piano. She never needed to prompt me to practice after that, ever again!! Since then piano earned me music scholarships, I make money playing for wedding and such, and even supplemented my income as teacher by giving piano lessons. I guess sometimes it is okay to borrow someone else's grit until you grow your own. Thank you, Mom! And guess who is the one making my own kids play the piano? Nope, not me, my wife. Thank you, Beautiful!
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